The XD Report
Merch
Wear Your Outbreak Awareness With Pride
"I Survived the 2026 Shartnado" T-Shirt
Premium cotton. Dark brown print on cream. Available S-3XL. Wear it proudly. Or shamefully. We don't judge.
"DTAF" Snapback Hat
Embroidered DTAF (Don't Trust A Fart) logo. Brown on cream. Adjustable. For when you want strangers to know: don't trust a fart.
"Know Before You Go" Coffee Mug
12oz ceramic. Microwave safe. The official mug of the XD Report morning briefing. Also works for tea. And Pepto.
"Code Brown" Emergency Sticker Pack
Set of 5 vinyl stickers. Waterproof. Includes: Code Brown, DTAF (Don't Trust A Fart), Shartnado Warning, Mocha Alert, and a bonus Corn Event sticker.
"My Other Car Is a Porta-Potty" Bumper Sticker
3x10 inch vinyl. Weatherproof. For the commuter who understands the stakes.
XD Report Field Journal
Lined pages. Perfect for tracking symptoms, logging restroom locations, and documenting corn events.
"Besharted" Embroidered Patch
Iron-on patch. 3 inch diameter. Old English font. For the history buff who also soils themselves.
XD Report Tote Bag
Canvas. Holds your EDK supplies, spare underwear, and dignity. "Know Before You Go" printed on both sides.
More Merch Coming Soon
We're working on: Shartnado Weather Center hoodies, Dr. Anita Minnit "Ask Me About Your Stool" enamel pins, and the "Tropical Fart" scented candle. Sign up for Squirt Alerts to be notified when new merch drops.
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